So I brought the kids to my work today.  They were actually pretty good and Keira even let a couple of people hold her.  Pushing my huge stroller around at work brought me back to the days of working in the mailroom pushing the mailcart.  It was nice to see everyone.  Its almost been a year to the day that I left work.  I think it was April 4 that I stopped going b/c of the contractions I was having. 

I cant believe it has been a year since the whole nightmare started (and by nightmare I mean bedrest, contractions, worrying about Cadence).  I also cant believe that I made it a year.  Those 10 weeks of bedrest where all I did was think and pray for my babies felt like it would never end.  I had drawn myself a little calander and would cross off each day, thankfull to be still pregnant another day.  In my soduku book, I would do one puzzle a day.  So on the puzzles that I would acheive another week in pregnancy, I would mark it in advance and try to reach those puzzles.  The heartburn from drinking water, the constant hunger and then feeling sick after eating, all that water I drank, the trips to the perinatologists office on a weekly basis where all I seemed to get was bad news, it all seems so far away.  I am so thankful that I had 3 babies in me b/c when I lost Cadence, I still had 2 babies to carry home.  But only I can say that to me,  please dont ever say to me, “at least you have Keira and Conor”.  In no way does it make up for the loss of Cadence. 

Now I find that the times her absence hits me most is when I hear of someone dying or when I watch a movie and someone passes away.  I used to be one of those people who may get teary eyed at a sad movie but now the tears gush and I get a big lump in my throat.  In the last week I watched Marley and Me and 7 pounds (in segments of course b/c I never have time to make it through a movie in one sitting!) and I couldnt believe how much I cried.  I cant wait for the kids to be older so I can talk to them about their sister.  I still pray every night for her to come into my dreams so that I can meet her.  And I also pray that my auntie Carole is with her. 

Conor and Keira are doing so well.  Conor is doing the commando crawl and is getting better at sitting.  He says “dub dub dub” all the time and is quick to smile when a camera comes out.  Keira squeals a lot.  I find it so cute.  She loves to be naked and gets upset when you put her sleeper back on.  She is just starting to pull herself on the floor and is very good at sitting.  Her hair is curly and I hope it stays that way.  It is getting a bit longer but I refuse to cut it yet.  I dress them up everyday now, even if we arent going out.  I used to only put them in sleepers for the convenience of it but now I love to dress them up. 

Having issues feeding them solids.  Keira’s food has to be very smooth, no lumps so she really only likes the fruit.  Conor refuses to eat baby food, he wants to be able to pick it up to eat it.  So I have trouble coordinating the cooking of this food w/ his eating time and just figuring out what to give him.  I also struggle to give them 3 meals a day.  So they still have a lot of bottles.  Hopefully I can figure this feeding thing out. 

Well I should get back to them.  No screaming yet but it is only an hour till bedtime.